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Who doesn't like a screamer? The neighbours

Three-hour, unnaturally noisy sex sessions have made some neighbours in Newcastle's lives 'hell', even drowning out the noise of the their TVs. How rude. A couple in Tyne and Wear appeared in court today to answer these charges, and to listen recordings of themselves having sex.

Neighbours, the postman and passers-by made a series of complaints about Caroline and Steve Cartwright's noisy sex levels last August, and the council responded by sending in a crack team of decibel measuring spies to record the sessions. What they heard were: 'sounds like they were both in considerable pain, totally excessive, hysterical, almost continuous screaming, it sounded like she was being murdered.' Nice.

In response to earlier complaints about the noise level, Mrs Cartwright had tried to muffle her joy by placing a pillow over her face during coitus - erm, not nice - but quite frankly, she didn't enjoy it: 'I wasn't enjoying it so I started to cry and my husband said, 'if you want to make a noise, make a noise'. She also made inroads into reducing noise levels by having sex in the morning.

While neighbours have complained about being kept awake all night, nobody seems to have noticed that Mr. Cartwright looks like he could sleep for about a month (see pic.)

Come on judge, prison sentence...?

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