Rich men give women more orgasms

More orgasms for everyone! And how to achieve this utopia? Simple. Make sure you're shagging someone rich.

According to new research from the University of Newcastle, the bigger a person's bank balance, the more orgasms their sexual partner is likely to have. The research, undertaken by pyschologist Dr Thomas Pollet, focused on the sexual and lifestyle habits of over 5,00 Chinese couples. It found that; “Increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on women’s self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause women to experience more orgasms.”

As with all research of this kind, the answers to the conundrum are fairly simple. Women find richer men more attractive because, well, they buy them more stuff. It's in a woman's interests to do a When Harry Met Sally after every single bonk because the threat of poverty is only ever an orgasm scream away.

"What those orgasms are really saying" say the eggheads is ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children.’"

Rich men with wives who can't be arsed to fake it anymore? Truly rubbish.

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