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Mile high mishaps

If you've ever fancied joining the mile high club but are worried about the consequences if you get rumbled, then here's how not to do it. Clare Irby, a descendant of the uber-posh Guinness family is in court over a drunken flight which ended in her getting her wares out and romping with a fellow passenger.

Irby is said to have had her chest pups fondled by fellow passenger Daniel Melia while the pair got down to business on a flight from India to London. During the romp, Irby's skirt was allegedly hitched up around her ears. She then showed off her g-string to unsuspecting passengers after changing into a pair of trousers in the aisle. Sarah Hannon, a fellow flier, also claimed to have seen Irby with her 'head under a blanket' giving Melia the in-flight treat of his life.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Melia's girlfriend was also on the flight. (Try getting out of that one.) Irby's toddler was also said to have been left to sit on his own while his mum got her rocks off, and, when challenged, she called an air hostess a 'bitch' and gave the finger to other crew members who refused to serve her drinks. Charming.

Irby has been charged with being sozzled on a plane. Her lawyer says she was 'just tired.' Try explaining this one at the next Guinness family country club reunion.

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