DIY Twilight

What is with the sudden rise in vampire this and werewolf that at the moment? We're caught in a moment of sexual zeitgeist where pale teens settle for some blood-letting and heavy emo-type behaviour rather than going for a healthy jog in the sun and having rampant sex - which some teenagers are actually trying to do. And welewolves? Try a back, sack and crack, mate!

Behind our blatant concern for today's misguided generation, who are more interested in 'Skins' than studying, is a health message that nookie, and in particular love bites, can actually prove fatal if administered incorrectly, The Smoking Jacket reveals.

'Just ask the 44-year-old woman from Auckland, New Zealand who recently took herself to the ER after experiencing loss of feeling in her arm while watching TV one evening. Doctors at the hospital concluded that she had suffered a mild stroke caused by a hickey that had been given near an artery on her neck a few days earlier. Her boyfriend’s overzealous suction caused bruising inside her blood vessel, which in turn caused a clot in the artery underneath. The clot then dislodged and traveled to the woman’s heart where it caused a “mild stroke” and subsequent arm paralysis.'

And, of course, if you're partner is an actual blood-sucker, have a few extra bags from the blood bank under your bed. Or a bottle of ketchup.

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